Dear Well Adjusted Couple, I just found out my husband is cheating on me. At first I thought it might be because he's not attracted to me anymore. But then I found out that he is cheating on me with another man. Is it possible this is my fault, or is it possible he was already gay? Help!
Dear Help, Nope, pretty sure you probably turned him gay. My guess is that you were already unattractive from the start, and in reality, most men aren't phased by that anyway. They settle for ugly/fat women when, 1, the don't want to deal with the crap a hot chick drags along with her, or 2, they're just too lazy to try to impress a hot chick. Let me guess, he's told you that you have a good personality right?
Our advice to you is a choice (lucky you!). You can either lose 60 lbs and try to look like a boy, and learn to give a blow job (also guessing you don't do that now). Or you can get a sex change, and lose 60lbs, and learn how to give a blow job.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Obesity: An Epidemic
Do you or someone you love have an eating disorder? I don't care if you're too skinny, you don't gross me out. It's the fattys that make me want to throw up. Ever stop to think about what you are putting in your mouth? I mean, is it that hard to NOT eat that extra box of cookies, or bag of potato chips? Take the fork out of your mouth for gods sake. Eat a salad, and I don't mean with caesar dressing either, that just an illusion of a healthy meal then. Go for a walk, get some exercise.
In our little office, we have someone who is obviously trying to kill himself with food. At first I thought, to each his own, but really, I have to look at him, and if it's near my lunchtime, I lose my appetite (not such a bad thing). And my significant other seems to be on the same pee schedule as this guy and has to listen to him grunting in the stall (he can't use the urinal). We are trying to figure out how the hell this guy even wipes himself. Or maybe he doesn't?
End result of our discussion today, if you are grossly overweight, you should probably just kill yourself now so you stop making every one elses insurance skyrocket.
In our little office, we have someone who is obviously trying to kill himself with food. At first I thought, to each his own, but really, I have to look at him, and if it's near my lunchtime, I lose my appetite (not such a bad thing). And my significant other seems to be on the same pee schedule as this guy and has to listen to him grunting in the stall (he can't use the urinal). We are trying to figure out how the hell this guy even wipes himself. Or maybe he doesn't?
End result of our discussion today, if you are grossly overweight, you should probably just kill yourself now so you stop making every one elses insurance skyrocket.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Beating your kids: the right way to do it
There's been a lot of discussion about this in our little office. We feel that kids are way too spoiled these days. Whatever happened to the fine days of beating the hell out of your children to teach them a lesson? Kids get away with way more than we did, they're too soft, and we're just jealous.
Final outcome of our conversation: striking the fear of God into your kids, good. Causing bleeding, not good. Using kitchen utensils, good, unless it weighs more than a rolling pin. Standing in the corner, good. Blunt end of knife, very good, especially if you scare them into thinking you might use the other end.
Final verdict - please people, BEAT YOUR KIDS, for the future of our country.
Final outcome of our conversation: striking the fear of God into your kids, good. Causing bleeding, not good. Using kitchen utensils, good, unless it weighs more than a rolling pin. Standing in the corner, good. Blunt end of knife, very good, especially if you scare them into thinking you might use the other end.
Final verdict - please people, BEAT YOUR KIDS, for the future of our country.
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